A fake Jamaican took every last dime with a scam, It was worth it just to learn from sleight-of-hand.

The last week or so I’ve been thinking to myself a lot about The Empire Strikes Back. Anyone who knows me knows this is not that unusual. There are so many levels and tones in that movie that I don’t think I’ll be able to ever fully digest what that movie is and means to me in my lifetime.

This time, I’ve been thinking about the whole Darth Vader/Luke/Obi Wan thing. I’ve mentioned before how Luke seemed to have jumped the gun with the whole “I’m a Jedi and going to fight another Jedi” thing after like three days of training but what about the catalyst for that training? What about Obi Wan and his relationship to Luke.

There’s a point in the middle of the light saber battle between Vader and Luke where Darth Vader had to have a hard time not snapping and just spilling the beans to Luke about being his dad. I mean, before the whole “Sorry I cut your hand off but you were just getting too annoying with pretending you’re a Jedi” thing. It’s got to be fairly obvious to Luke at the end that Vader was just toying with him. He just wanted to see how good of a Jedi he was, being so new to the Force and all. He wanted to see if there was a possibility of Luke being a good right hand man for Vader. Fat chance of that after cutting off his right hand, but I digress.

Even when Vader is about to open up about the whole “I’m your father” thing, Luke throws back in Vader’s face the fact that Obi Wan told him everything Luke needed to know.

“He told me enough…he told me you killed him!”

“Sigh, really Luke? Is that what Obi Wan told you? I guess that has to be the gospel truth if you heard it from an old man who you knew all of like a day and a half. Dude, you know nothing about Ben! Hell C-3PO has been missing for longer in Cloud City than the time that you knew Obi Wan alive!

“Yeah, that’s right. I know who 3PO is. I made him.”

Of course, I think  it’s obvious that there were things about Obi Wan that Anakin should have seen but didn’t. For example, take for the fact that Obi Wan may not have been a full blown alcoholic but he was, at the very least, a problem drinker.

Think about it. Obi Wan and Luke need to go get the droids back to Leia’s dad with an important message that can save the galaxy so they need to get a ship out of town, so what’s the first thing Obi Wan does? He takes them to a bar. Not just a bar but a bar when he’s well enough known as the only guy in the galaxy that still wears Jedi robes out in public and no one bats an eye. Heck, the bartender gives him a referral to Han Solo even after he’s waving a light saber around because two guys wanted to bully Luke around.

How about when Luke first met Obi Wan. For some reason Obi Wan is staggering around in the dessert, making loud noises that imitates the call of a creature that scares a whole troop of sand people away. I can only think that might not have been because Luke was out there. It might have been because that’s what he does on Wednesday afternoons after having a few and he’s feeling really good.

If only Luke would have stopped and been like, “You know, come to think about it, Vader, the last time I spoke to Ben he was a ghost being all like ‘Luuuuuuke…Luuuke….you must go to the Degobah system….boooooooooo wooooooooooo.” while I was laying face down in snow outside during a sixty below zero night. He wasn’t even making sense.” to Vader at that point maybe Vader would have said, “Tell me about it. One time we were in a planet-wide high speed chase in a stolen car, trying to find an assassin that wanted to kill your mom and we stopped in the middle of it so he could go into a bar for a drink. Dude had a problem.”

After a minute, Luke would stop and say, “You know, I saw that last light saber fight with you guys. You could tell by his eyes he was barely there, hardly able to stand up and walk a straight line, let alone get in a light saber battle.”

“How about it, Luke. You weren’t two feet in front of him at the time we had that light saber duel. He was making his own wooshing light saber noises as swung it. It was sad.”

Then they would have laughed and connected as father and son, to see who the real enemy was, the Lord of the Sith known as  alcohol.

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