And in the end, the love you take…

It’s Spetember 11th. It goes without saying that thirteen years ago this was a horrible, horrible day, in so many ways for so many people. One of the things that will always stick with me was hearing a lot people talk about how after what happened that “We would never be the same”. 

Looking back now, it’s true. I’m not sure if the events of September 11th, 2001 was truly the catalyst for how American society has changed or if it was just it moving in it’s natural course. After all, in a lot of ways it seems that we, as a people, have either mostly forgotten about it, moved on or just become plain old numb to what happened and everything that followed.

I guess, for one thing, I’m glad that it didn’t get turned into a day off, excuse to BBQ like so many people I talked to at that time thought it was going to.

Still, for me, as I look back now I realize that it was an event that set into motion a series of events in my life that made me who I am. Not in political, philosophical or even moral way. There were an actual chain of happenings that happened to my life and the people around me that had nothing to do with the attacks but were kicked off from them. My life would never be the same after that day.

It’s a weird feeling that I get as someone just recovering from years of substance abuse, walking up to my life in progress. I see now how the past has effected me and how the horribly stupid ways I dealt with things in the past made my life so much different in real life as I perceived it. In some ways, it’s made me want to turn my back on all of my past, leaving only a shudder as I look back at where I have been and who I have been. Seeing things more clearly I realize that I shouldn’t regret the past, nor should I shut the door on it. Just because there have been things that I have done the wrong way doesn’t mean I need to shun everything that’s happened.

I guess the only way I really will have learned from my mistakes is by living now not as if they hadn’t happened but as if I made the right mistake then, therefore taking the correct steps in my life now.

Really, this has nothing to do with September 11th other than it was a jumping off point for me from a reality as I saw it compared to what was really real. I didn’t lose anyone on that day but I afterwords I did stumble enough to make myself a different person, a person who’s course I’m still trying to correct.

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